Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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