He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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