I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
