i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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