it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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