At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
