Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
