The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
