I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize