he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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