remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
