Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
