So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
