It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
