I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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