his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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