Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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