i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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