yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize