He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
