I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
