you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
