my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
