Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
