Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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