just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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