Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
