Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
