i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
