Are we in a gay sports bar?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
