I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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