Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
