College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize