Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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