people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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