What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
