First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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