I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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