Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
