Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
