if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
