Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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