Screwed.edu
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
