dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this boner is exhausting
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
