you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Two words: nipple clamps
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