Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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