We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
