i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
