i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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