I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
