She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
