i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
