today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
