You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
