I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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