did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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