He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
