oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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