some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
