I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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