how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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