just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
