he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
