foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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