After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
